Christmas is a couple days away, so I found it prudent to write a little about what I see and hear around this time of year.

I see lights, decorations, busyness, laughing and tears. Depending on which store I find myself in, the depth of sadness seen on a kids face while being dragged out by his mom, can be quite humorous.

I hear songs of faith, songs of atmosphere, joy, sadness, hope and even songs of heritage. Music moves us, especially the old standards. They remind us when Christmas was more innocent (in our memory) and less hectic and chaotic. The Christmas songs can be heard everywhere. Shopping at the mall, at the coffee shop, even standing at the liquor aisle trying to decide what to take to the party. I think it’s one reason we all get kinda Christmassy. The music is everywhere.

I see people. Lots of people. Poor people, rich people, pretty people and ugly people. I see the when it comes to class, all people want to be loved, thought of, made to feel like they matter. A gift, regardless of how much it may, or may not cost, shows concern and thought. Everyone wants that.

I see the fat guy walking in the parking lot, smoking, wheezing. I see him get out of his car, which also smokes, and walk slowly into the mall, head down, getting the last few puffs of the cig as he walks.. I see this guy, whom i’ve decided to judge, sit patiently while waiting for a electric cart. He needs the cart because he can’t walk very far.

I hear this guy wheeze as he rides through the mall, slowing down as he gets near me, looking in the window. I can smell his cig odor, his b.o. and see his lack of hygiene. I see this guy, whom I’ve decided is wheezing because of his lack of will power to stop smoking, pick up a cheap toy and leave the way he came in. Avoided and head down.

I see the wealthy woman stroll into the mall, arms in motion as she walks, chatting on the phone, smiling, hair perfect, clothes perfect, shoes clicking the floor to announce her arrival. She stops at the jewelry store, picks up a gift and leaves. I see the attention she gets and gives to the workers as they smile and exchange pleasantries.

As I have determined what was ugly between the two, I hear the words “which do you think is ugly to me?”

Is it not so easy to determine by attitude that which is ugly? I had not outwardly treated either differently, but in my heart I decided. Not knowing the soul of these people, I chose. I chose which was more important.

I wonder what Jesus looked like. Never have been able to get passed the mullet wearing blue eyed Jesus western civilization produced. Prince charming Jesus never really connected with me. The Bible says there was nothing about the way he looked that would cause us to look a second time. Big strappin tough guy, who was plain lookin and short. That makes more sense.

What else would we think from a God who had made a nation from slaves? How can we not expect that the God who directed his son to be born in a cave with the smell of cow crap in the air, to choose the pretty over the not so pretty?

I’m ugly. My sin made me that way. He loved me anyway.

I should do the same.

Ugly

No doubt, we live in a very difficult time. The economic difficulties we all face are real. I have been with out a job for 4 months now, being supported by my wife. We have been gypsies for a while. Traveling from plant to plant, living there for 6-18 months at a time. We are weary of that. We want to settle down, put down roots, stop moving, packing and unpacking.

In the mean time, hours are getting cut, and schedules are changing. Again. We feel trapped in a way. Knowing that this is the time given to pursue a dream, work out a ministry, we also have to deal with the non existent job market. Can’t just job hop anymore. We walk on egg shells it seems, hoping that we make the cut for the next job. All the while not wanting to move again.

So. We walk that line between faith and fear.

Most of us look at these situations in theory. As long as the issues are out and away from us, and other folks are facing them, we can say with much confidence that we have faith God will provide. But the truth is, there are many Christ followers who have lost their jobs, their homes, and are facing complete financial collapse. When the situation eases its way into our world, it’s not quite so easy to say God will provide.

Although it should be.

Yesterday we got the news. Immediately I began to try to fight back the anxiety and fear. I dropped to my knees and simply asked God, “What is it that you want from us? We have always gone where you wanted us to go, done what you wanted us to do.” My thinking was, as many of us do, there has to be some one thing that we missed, something we were not doing, or should have done, that God would tell me, we would do it, and His financial graces would begin to flow again, and I would be happy. I racked my brain looking for an unconfessed sin that would bring sense to this.

Nothing. It wasn’t sin.

My stomach was in knots as anxiety began to build. Then I heard the whisper in my heart. “Continue to do what I asked you to do.” Really? “so right now, in this anxiety and fear, you want me to record a teaching?” YES”, I heard.

At that moment, I was given the opportunity to choose. I could choose fear, doubt and anxiety, or, I could choose faith.

I chose faith.

Nothing has changed in our situation. We are still unsure of the future. However, we are certain of one thing. Faith.

Faith.

Quell

Burn me alive, destroy my world.
Chasm the earth beneath my feet,
Strike up the night sky and overwhelm my soul.
Black clouds my comfort,
Swirling winds my succor,
Burn me alive, destroy my world

Keith Langley
(c) 2010

I’ve always been rattled by people who are willing to lay it all on the line. Men and women who are not afraid to confront the darkness of humanity and stand firm in the Light. Sub cultures exist. They are often ignored by the mainline form of Faith communities. Going into countries who have made following Christ illegal requires total commitment and total faith.

But one needs not to go out of the country to find such danger. The Bible constantly reminds os of how God himself holds close to his own bosom, a remnant. Those who are willing to risk all for the Father, those who go, remind people of the great love, tell them to wake up.

This video really says all that encompasses these men. These “Remnant Sons”

Awake O’Sleeper from Brandon McCormick on Vimeo.

Commercial from Jeff Fields on Vimeo.

Each morning at 5am, my daytime counterpart comes in. we deal with basic small talk ( I like working with her), the we go over what we call “the turn over.” A “turn over” is simply going over in detail all the activity from my shift, so that she is aware of what happened. We do the same thing at 5 pm.

This morning, I sat there, looked at her, and said “I keep trying to come up with creative ways to say, nothing happened, but I got nothing. So here it is. Nothing happened.”

I have thought about this all day.

As it relates to faith, I’ve found, I have looked for creative ways to make Jesus cool, so others would come over to my way of thinking. Never could do it. Never could get people to by what I was selling.

The reason is simple. People in my life still died, my day still sucked, I still got mad, I still argued with my wife, I still dealt with unrealized expectations. Outside looking in, being a Jesus follower had not sheltered me from the pain and aggravation of life.

There seems to be an honesty missing about faith today. I mean really. So much attention has been given to alcohol, gay marriage, politics, denominations, the economy and immigration, it looks like to me, that we are throwing out a theory of faith rather than truth.

Faith is not shelter from the storm. How can we expect to be exempt from personal tragedy and effects from a fallen world? We can’t.

Being a Christ follower has not deferred me from being brought into situations not of my making nor my concern. Nor has surrendering to a life of service guaranteed me a life of economic ease and comfort.

I still feel empty from time to time. But I know I’m not. I still want to punch a guy for being rude. But I don’t. I still feel lonely, but I know I’m not alone. I still crave things from my past, but don’t satisfy that thirst. I still feel guilty for past actions, but know I’m forgiven.

Faith is not at all about looking for creative ways to tell the folks at he garden club, or the Sunday School class that things are great, and trying to get them to be like you.

Faith is dealing with the craziness and hurt of life, taking it on the chin, feeling like the walls are gonna cave in and KNOWING that this is not what defines me. It is He that has determined my worth. I lean on Him. Limp through the hard times. But it’s real. And it’s honest.