“The people are huge, not to mention being bad ass. They have chariots. Big ones. The places where they live are like castles. Walled up, brick, fortified. No way we’re getting in there. Even if we did, we’d get our butts handed to us. God knows what these giants would do if they knew we were coming.”

“I know the land is good, the food is awesome, and it’s beautiful. But lets be real. No way I’m going to be part of this. It’s a complete pipe dream. I say no.”

It’s easy to judge these guys. 10 out of 12 were freaked out. These were not men of lower character. They were sent by their tribes because they were trustworthy, had good standing. They carried sway.

10 out of 12 said no. 12 out of 12 were scared, and realized the danger was great. But majority rules. When the majority speaks, even now, we tend to listen. It makes sense. Where a single person may be wrong, the group tends to be right. Sometimes.

Think about it. The land was theirs. All they had to do was possess it. Go in and take it. From giants. From warriors. Out manned. Out skilled. No problem.

I get this picture of fear. Not from the 12, but from the giants. Looking out over the land, watching them come across the plains. Who are these people? Didn’t you hear? Literally millions of people. The same people that had just crippled Egypt. The same people who had crossed the Red Sea…on dry land. Word, it seems, travels pretty fast.

While I am certain that the folks from Canaan saw the advancement of Israel, and were aware of the hand of power that gave them guidance, I’m not sure the folks here can see us coming, or care.

I struggle with the way I approach kingdom advancement. The folks I go after see things a bit different. Our reputation as a faith is not good. It means there has to be a time of proving. Earning my way in to develop a relationship. Being who I say I am. All the while, if I blow it, it could get nasty for me, and my club. Being held to your own standard.

Who are you? Just another? Just another Christian who is about politics? Just another believer who puts down others? Just another emergent who has disdain for conservatives? Just another church person goin on a mission trip? Just another talking head with no life change? Just another ministry that couldn’t get along with the other? Just another Christian with no power?

“Yea, I heard about them. They’re just another________________________________________ “

In theory, its really supposed to be warm and fuzzy. After all, David asked. We all do, at one point or another. We get in these moments where we want God to know us (as if he could do anything but) and check us. We ask him to have a look see. Check me out God, make sure that my motivations are pure.

I remember when when there was what seemed to me, was a moment when God was challenging me to follow him in a more extreme way. I felt it, heard it in my heart, it was real. In that moment I surrendered. What ever you want, i’m in. Wherever you want me to go, i’m there. What ever you need to break in me, do it. It was that simple.

I was all in.

Probably the most difficult times in my life have been when i’ve asked God to check me. Deep down i’ve always wanted to be that guy that gave it all for the cause. Nothing has changed, I still ask for that. But when we get serious about what the implications are for this kind of life, we rarely have the context to understand what we are asking.

I guess for me, it was thinking a simple life as a small church pastor that gave his life teaching, discipling, shepherding, loving, marrying and burying people of a small community. That was the context I had seen. Its not turned out that way. The process of being torn down, broken and rebuilt is not easy, nor is it warm or fuzzy. I was on the ladder for a while. Actually moved up a little bit. I can’t even see the ladder know.

How does God check us? When he built a nation, he sent a kid named Joseph to prison. 400 years the nation of Israel grew…as slaves. When it was time to remind people of of the importance of love and mercy, he had his own son murdered. When he wanted the church to expand beyond Jerusalem, he killed Stephen. When it was time to reach out to the world, he used suffering, prison and death in Paul. When he wanted to reach an unreached tribe in the amazon, he had Jim Elliott and his team killed to accomplish it.

There is no safer place than to be in the center of Gods will? Don’t buy it, its a load of crap. It is the most dangerous place you can be. Placing your life in the hands of the living God, you are asking that all your wants, comforts, and dreams be overwhelmed by his glory and his purpose.

But.

If you real want to know him, I mean really know him, then ask. Ask him to search your heart, reveal the issues that hide in the dark, ask him to show you the ugliness of self righteousness and pride. Ask him to change you. Ask him to rip out from the roots those things that would hinder a true understanding of exactly what the rest of the world is going through.

The pain can be excruciating. But we know that being made into the image of Christ is what we really want. We know that a larger picture exists. That larger picture involves other people that have yet to hear or understand. And we know that God loves them as he loves us. And we know he gives us what we need to accomplish the task.

Being willing to lay down my life for the sake of the Gospel is one thing. Dying to myself each day, well, that is where the question gets answered. Do I really want to ask God to check me?

Be careful what you ask for. You could get all you want, and more.

It’s really kinda cool if you think about it. If you jack something up, and this happens a lot more than I want to admit, then I can fix it by restoring my default settings. Phone acting weird cause of a crazy app? Default it. Computer acting weird? Default it.

In most gadgets, the factory has default settings that they believe makes the gadget work as it is intended.

As most of us head into 2012, the first couple weeks of dealing with resolutions are frustrating. We want to lose weight, we want to be nice, we want to save money, and we really want to get closer and connect with God. The steps we take for these issues are usually difficult. we deprive ourselves to achieve these goals. Eat less, argue less, spend less. But with God, the word is not less, but more.

By default, the optimal relationship with Christ is more. More time, more prayer, more reading, more listening, more serving, more serving, and the difficult part, more sacrifice. In the realm of the modern believer, the most popular resolutions involve spiritual issues. And the most popular of all is “I resolve to get closer to God.” How? “By reading my BIble and Pray more.”

These are lofty goals to say the least. Why? Scripture is not a passive read. We cannot look at the pages of Scripture and be inactive. It is, by default, a collection of stories of action. When our daily frustrations lead us back to the pre resolution phase, we act or we do not.

So. Eat less, if that is your deal,smoke less, drink less, argue less, spend less, or what ever other less you’ve decided to do.

But we all need more. More of God, more service, more love, more community, more prayer, more worship, more Scripture time, more action, more grace, and more mercy. And the key to more is time. Do work son!

I know we don’t get do-overs, but it would be nice if we could. I’d like another shot at this year. To put it mildly, it’s been a suck year for us.

The lessons learned are not easy, nor do they fit into the pretty faith life so many are spreading these days. Its been hard. The scars are fresh and the bruises are real. Here’s what i’ve learned…

Pain is a huge part of faith.
Being obedient does not mean getting a reward.
I’ve tried to quit. As I’ve always done. The guys I ride with would not let me.
Pride and self deception are rooted deep within me.
Financial difficulty embarrasses me. Moving in with my child was one of the most difficult issues of the year.
I may never have the one relationship I dream of most.
Without my wife, I’m completely lost.
I feel like God let me down this year. Actually, the opposite is true.
My soul is weary from trying to maintain hope.
Career? No. Survival.
Just feel like I missed something.
Typical. This is how I feel. I hate this most.
However…
The shadow of The Almighty still covers me.
Grace. Each morning it’s fresh. Nothing left over. Always fresh.
Hope. Christ Jesus in me, the hope of Glory.
My wife, miss Sheri, is a treasure. She is His radiance.

Over the last year, I’ve tried to talk my self out of things, and into others. In the midst of my pain, frustration, doubt, fear, anger, and complete loss, there is Christ. Ever present, ever faithful, and ever pursuing. Even during the “dark night of the soul” when I do not sense his touch, I know He is. There. Here. With me.

I tend to be pretty moody. Some days are better than others.

Somedays I want conflict. A fight sounds good on these days. I set traps for folks to walk into, then I lie in wait. The first misstep or wrong action, i pounce. Quick bursts of anger catches people off guard. You’d think i’d feel better after such a release, but you’d be wrong.

One example of the lack of true diligence. There are several hundred reasons to lose my temper. Truth is, as many times as i’ve lost it, I can’t ever think of a time when I found it. I’ve heard it said “It’s like a peach bursting with ripeness, waiting to be released.” Its never really the issue. For me, its usually pride. Especially round payday.

The good news is that I am starting to recognize my moodiness. I can see the difficulty and it usually does from being diligent in my faith. When my heart wanders, and it always does, it is because i’ve not been diligent. After all these years, there’s something to be said for regular time in the Word. I know, I know. But for me, it makes a difference.

David had a pretty good idea about diligence. All the time in the field watching sheep, not much to do, looking at stars. He filled that time with The Ancient of Days. Lofty thoughts, difficult thoughts, holy thoughts. Such thoughts are to much for me at times. Its when my mind is not filled with such things that the moodiness sets in.

Suck it up.

It’d be nice if these words would just appear when we needed them to.

Bad day at work? Blinking neon sign.
Car needs repaired and short on cash? Blinking neon sign.
Argument with the wife? Blinking neon sign.
Afraid of the dark? Blinking neon sign.
Cancer? Blinking neon sign.
Lose your job? Blinking neon sign.
Retirement savings disappear? Blinking neon sign.
Laid off? Blinking neon sign.
Death in the family? Blinking neon sign.
Marriage need an overhaul, but scared to face the truth? Blinking neon sign.

There are hundreds of issues we deal with each day that warrant a blinking neon sign. But what is so much better is when someone we love says these words. It sinks deep into our hearts when we hear these words from the heart of one who loves us.

The problem is when the sign doesn’t appear, or no one says it… how do we know? I mean really, is everything gonna be ok?

Sometimes, we can find the encouragement we need and get past the issues we face. Sometimes, it’s not ok, and things don’t get better. The pain won’t stop or go away, the bills keep piling up, they don’t come back, or he decides not to heal us.

Scripture tells us that “David encouraged himself in the Lord.” Seems easy enough. But he probably wasn’t dealing with anything major. Actually, his wife and family had been kidnapped. Seems reason enough to quit and blame God. Their grief had left them without any strength.

There are times in life when we have nowhere else to turn. BUt we will never know true encouragement until we are so discouraged it aches in our soul. We won’t know healing until we are sick. We can’t know provision until we are without. We will not experience true joy until sorrow has drained us of all our strength.

Ive been married for almost 30 years. After many years of uncertainty, there remains love and commitment. The steadfastness of our marriage comes from many days and nights of having to face who I am, versus who I think I am. There is a freedom to honesty we seldom experience because of our fear to face difficulty and pain. But on the other side, we can emerge as more reliant on grace and more aware of our need to be and not do.

Everything is going to be alright.

Maybe, maybe not.

What is certain is this; I know where to find encouragement. Even if I have to go search for it.

How about you? You know where to find it?

Giant killer. Sounds like a pretty good nick name to me. Can you imagine? People singing songs about you, telling you how awesome you are, all because of what you just did.

All the days, months, even years have finally paid off. All the working and praying and singing have finally yielded this great victory. Now, on to bigger and better things. Maybe. Maybe not. What we forget is the place David found himself after he was anointed King, and even after he killed the giant. Back in the fields watching sheep.

We all are not called to be great warriors or lead nations. Most of us will spend our days and nights doing menial things that don’t seem to get much notice or attention.

But sometimes, sometimes we get the opportunity to do something really cool. Something that matters. Something that may have people admiring us for what we’ve done. When that happens, remember that the foundation for that moment was born out of a long night of watching sheep. Those moments of greatness may come and go, but the moments of faithfully serving in the place we are will last.

Who knows what may happen. But if called on to do extraordinary things, be ready.

Had David not learned to use his sling as a shepherd, he never would have taken Goliath out with one throw.

The giant may be dead, but he died at Gods hands, through the hard work and faithfulness of a kid watching sheep.

I’ve said my fair share of prayers that felt like bricks. It felt like I was building a wall that separated me from God. The more words the bigger the wall.

Prayer is difficult when we feel like he’s not listening. It hurts when we know he can do things, yet he withholds from us. It bothers us when those who don’t follow seem to catch all the breaks.

David asked these questions as he watched sheep on the night shift. He looked around and saw the pain and injustice and he talked to God about it.

We question because we hurt.

It’s ok. He hears all our prayers. And when it gets so bad, when the pain is so great that we can’t seem to lift our heads… Then, he prays for us. “With groanings” that we don’t even understand.

While God may not answer those prayers like we think he should, he hears. Trust during these times is difficult. So, let’s call it rest.

Rest your weary head in his hands. Trust Him. Not because of what answer he may give, but because he cares for you, loves you, pursues you, and desires that you know him.

I had a friend say that they “wish they could know the next step.”

I get that. Sometimes we get bogged down in now, and a little foreknowledge could help us get going.

Imagine what life was like for David. As a kid in that culture, do you think he was dreaming about opportunity for greatness? No one in his family was royalty, they were sheep herders. Maybe he thought of a family, of a different job, of making an impact for God in a rough world that did not value life.

I’m sure that as he began to know and be introduced to the character of God, his dreams changed. You can see that through the songs he wrote as a kid. There’s a contentment about where he was that is directly related to his understanding of God.

We all know how his story turned out. We all know how God wooed him, pursued him and anointed his to be King over Israel. But ascending to the throne was not a easy and quick process. There were lions and bears, giants and treachery. There was hardship and death. He had no idea what was ahead.

But God did.

Rest in the fact that God is in control. He’s got this.

“Watching sheep is not all I have for you, but learn while you are here. It will help later.” God

Looking past our current issues is often very difficult. We get caught up in the struggle, the darkness, the pain, the grief, even the mundane. Each day is loaded with opportunities. Regardless of what situation we find ourselves in, we can decide how we will approach it, how we deal with it, even how we come through it.

Before David was a warrior, before he was a king, he was a shepherd boy. The youngest, he was probably given the night shift. It was there that God formed in him the foundations of a perspective that would serve him the rest of his life. He learned how to worship, how to communicate with God, how to write songs, and even how to fight. All on the night shift of sheep watching.

We are not all going to be kings. I don’t know anyone who is on the fast track to train to be a king. But I am, and I know a bunch of folks that live in the transition of maturity. In this place we find ourselves dealing with the mundane of life. We go to work, come home, eat, watch a little tv, then go to bed waking up to do it all again.

The key here, Is to learn while we live. Not in order to become a king, but in order to become useful to our King. We all have the opportunity to be involved with changing the world. But if we fail to take advantage of the time given to us to learn, learn about the culture, learn about people in our lives, learn about God, then our time can be wasted on complaints and doubt.

Make most of the situation you are in. Love, grieve, feel pain, laugh, cry, trust. It will help you help others later.