You asked for it.

In theory, its really supposed to be warm and fuzzy. After all, David asked. We all do, at one point or another. We get in these moments where we want God to know us (as if he could do anything but) and check us. We ask him to have a look see. Check me out God, make sure that my motivations are pure.

I remember when when there was what seemed to me, was a moment when God was challenging me to follow him in a more extreme way. I felt it, heard it in my heart, it was real. In that moment I surrendered. What ever you want, i’m in. Wherever you want me to go, i’m there. What ever you need to break in me, do it. It was that simple.

I was all in.

Probably the most difficult times in my life have been when i’ve asked God to check me. Deep down i’ve always wanted to be that guy that gave it all for the cause. Nothing has changed, I still ask for that. But when we get serious about what the implications are for this kind of life, we rarely have the context to understand what we are asking.

I guess for me, it was thinking a simple life as a small church pastor that gave his life teaching, discipling, shepherding, loving, marrying and burying people of a small community. That was the context I had seen. Its not turned out that way. The process of being torn down, broken and rebuilt is not easy, nor is it warm or fuzzy. I was on the ladder for a while. Actually moved up a little bit. I can’t even see the ladder know.

How does God check us? When he built a nation, he sent a kid named Joseph to prison. 400 years the nation of Israel grew…as slaves. When it was time to remind people of of the importance of love and mercy, he had his own son murdered. When he wanted the church to expand beyond Jerusalem, he killed Stephen. When it was time to reach out to the world, he used suffering, prison and death in Paul. When he wanted to reach an unreached tribe in the amazon, he had Jim Elliott and his team killed to accomplish it.

There is no safer place than to be in the center of Gods will? Don’t buy it, its a load of crap. It is the most dangerous place you can be. Placing your life in the hands of the living God, you are asking that all your wants, comforts, and dreams be overwhelmed by his glory and his purpose.

But.

If you real want to know him, I mean really know him, then ask. Ask him to search your heart, reveal the issues that hide in the dark, ask him to show you the ugliness of self righteousness and pride. Ask him to change you. Ask him to rip out from the roots those things that would hinder a true understanding of exactly what the rest of the world is going through.

The pain can be excruciating. But we know that being made into the image of Christ is what we really want. We know that a larger picture exists. That larger picture involves other people that have yet to hear or understand. And we know that God loves them as he loves us. And we know he gives us what we need to accomplish the task.

Being willing to lay down my life for the sake of the Gospel is one thing. Dying to myself each day, well, that is where the question gets answered. Do I really want to ask God to check me?

Be careful what you ask for. You could get all you want, and more.